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Relative Truth
by Becky Tailweaver
| One more day, one more time, One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied. But then again, I know what it would do: Leave me wishing still for one more day with you. --Diamond Rio, "One More Day" |
File 10: Hide and Seek
It took Ran a muzzy moment of half-awareness to realize that the incessant ringing was not, in fact, coming from her alarm clock--it came from the telephone. Given the snoring she could hear, her father was going to sleep right through it, even though it might have been a case that would put food on the table. Even though it was a Saturday and she'd rather sleep in past eight o'clock...
Yawning and stumbling, she floundered out of bed and shuffled to her door, sleepy and irritated. Why isn't Conan-kun getting the phone? He's usually up this early all the time--no, wait, he's at Professor Agasa's; he was asleep already by the time I called last night and the Professor will send him home today...
The answering machine was already running through its little babble when she made it to the phone, picking up the handset and hitting the button that shut off the pre-recorded voice. "Hello, Mouri Detective Agency, how can I--?" she yawned, rubbing her eyes.
"Hey Ran, are you awake yet?"
"Shinichi?" The cobwebs cleared with a rush of warmth and comprehension.
"Who else would be calling you this early on a Saturday?" came the familiar voice, touched with affectionate humor. "I still want to see you today. How soon can you be ready?"
Gaping, she struggled to organize her thoughts. "Um...an hour--no, thirty minutes. Give me thirty minutes. But...what should I wear?"
She could hear his smile when he spoke. "Anything you want. Today's for you."
No doubt he could hear her blush. "O-okay," she stuttered, gripping the handset. "I'll hurry."
"You've got thirty minutes, Ran," he responded teasingly. "Don't be late--I'll be there right on time, and you're coming however I find you!"
"Shinichi--!"
"See you soon!"
With that, he was gone, leaving her to set the phone back in the cradle, dazed and flushing. For a moment she just stood there, collecting her thoughts--and then she whirled to rush back into her room, diving madly into her closet. She rifled through several sets of her nicest clothes, tossing various garments aside when they didn't meet her approval. When she finally settled on an outfit, she grabbed up everything she'd need and sprinted to the bathroom for a quick shower.
Coming however he finds me, huh? she thought playfully, scrubbing down at high speed. I wonder what would happen if I took him up on his little "threat" and he found me as I am now. That would catch him off-guard. Stirred by her daring thoughts, her insides fluttered warmly. The silly baka would probably just pass out...but if he didn't, we wouldn't go anywhere for a while...
She gasped at her own musings, flushing pink from head to toe. Ack! No! Bad Ran! she scolded herself, utterly mortified. When did I start thinking such naughty thoughts? I was raised better! She frowned guiltily as she stepped out of the shower and began drying off, trying to hold back giggles from the half of her that was completely unashamed. Gosh, whoever said "absence makes the heart grow fonder" really had no idea...
Twenty minutes left. She dried and dressed quickly, getting to work on her long tresses with brush and hair-dryer in a concerted effort to tame the remainder of bed-head and newer post-shower tangles. When that was done, she checked her watch again and hurried back to getting ready.
Ten minutes left. With her hair mostly dry, she got down to the rest of the necessities of feminine preparation, seeing to her face and the set of her bangs and hoping that everything came out right. Her hands were shaking so much; she couldn't believe how nervous and excited she was--it was only Shinichi for crying out loud!
Only Shinichi? that shameless part of her reproached. Only the one I've been waiting for so long...only my everything...
Still blushing every time she thought of his imminent arrival, Ran put the finishing touches on her appearance and dashed out of the bathroom at last, heading back to her room to gather her wits and make sure she didn't forget anything.
She was wearing her white sundress, plain and pretty, something she thought was casual enough for a weekend but dressy enough for a "date." She put on a simple little gold necklace to accent it, something her mother had given her, and to top off the ensemble she pulled on her pink jacket. Her room looked like a tornado hit it and she'd left her towel and pajamas in the bathroom, but there was no more time to worry about it--the living room clock said zero minutes left, even though she was still hunting for her shoes.
Just as promptly as she'd expected, there was a knock on the door.
"Coming, coming!" Still barefoot, she flew to open the door, her face alight.
Shinichi Kudo stood smiling on the landing, dressed just as nice-yet-casually as she was with his khaki slacks, blue shirt, and green jacket. "Somehow I knew you'd still be getting ready," he said by way of greeting, not at all displeased.
"I just can't find my shoes!" she protested, inviting him in before dashing off to her room to search again. "And my purse is missing too!" she called out.
"You're starting to take after your dad, Ran."
"Hey!" Her indignant voice rang out of her bedroom, somehow muffled.
With a shake of his head, Shinichi stepped through the living room, reached under the couch, and brought out a pair of sandals that had been forgotten there a couple days before. Of course he knew where they were--he noticed everything anyway, plus as Conan he'd seen her leave them there.
He leaned against the frame of her door and held out the shoes, grinning cheekily. "Looking for these?"
Ran popped up from her under-the-bed search, eyes lighting. "Oh! Thank you!" She snatched them from his grip and put them on, blushing under his gaze. "Now I just need to find my purse."
Shinichi chuckled, once more daring to use Conan's knowledge of the house and its inhabitants. "I'd have to guess that your purse is down in the office, probably by your dad's desk where you left it when you cleaned up after him last night."
She raised an eyebrow at him. "Now how would you know that?"
"I know you," he responded with a secretive grin and a wink. "Want to go see?"
"I'll have to take your word for it," she replied, leading the way out the door and down the flight of steps.
He was right--as usual. Ran had to laugh ruefully when she found her purse on her father's desk, just where Shinichi had suggested. "Nothing ever gets past you, darn it," she pretended to grumble, leaving a brief note for her father telling him she was going out and that he could heat up something for breakfast on his own.
"Ready to go now?" Shinichi asked, waiting in the doorway as she finished.
"You bet!" Eyes bright, she hurried to his side, shutting the door firmly behind her and blushing when he reached out to take her hand.
"You look...really nice," he said hesitantly, leading her down to the sidewalk, his own cheeks touched with faint scarlet. "Sorry I dragged you out so early, and on such short notice."
"Oh...don't worry about that!" she quickly replied, waving her free hand dismissively. "I'm just glad you're back, even if it's just for a little while. Let's not fret about that, though--let's just treasure the time we have!"
She stepped nearer to him as they walked; in one daring moment she changed her grip from a simple handhold to a more intimate weaving of her fingers through his. She heard his intake of breath, felt his hand tighten on hers; she flushed a little as his smile grew soft and his gaze tender.
"Yeah," he replied, near a whisper. "You're right, let's enjoy this morning. There may never be another one like it."
That morning they walked closer than they ever had before, hand in hand, to spend what few precious hours they had left in each other's company. It was clear that both knew their time was short--and both knew that time was best spent together.
That morning, Fumiyo Kuroba was so reserved and silent that Kaito began to worry if his little talk last night had upset her more than he'd thought. He'd been a bit...sharp, he knew, but that had stemmed from a long period of resentment toward his uncle--who, he felt, had broken up the family and caused no end of pain to his mother, his cousin, himself...even to his father, though Toichi was ten years gone. His resentment had manifested itself the moment he'd seen the utter loss in Shinichi's eyes three days ago...and it had continued to grow since then.
He sat on the front step of his house, glum and introspective--though several of his doves clustered around him, cooing softly and attempting to cheer him up. Such pensiveness usually didn't suit him, but the events of the last week had changed things--he hoped it was for the better, but one never knew. He and Shinichi could never go back to the way things were--thief and detective in a dangerous dance of wits and skill, nothing more than rivals.
Well, they were more now; he and his cousin had reached a new and unpredicted understanding. Kaito had gone into this venture expecting some kind of ally...but he'd never anticipated that he and Shinichi could be such friends.
At least I hope that's what I can call it, he mused to himself. I wonder what he thinks. About us...me and him, being cousins. If I asked, would he say we're friends...?
Petting the nearest bird perched on his knee, he shook his head with a rueful snort. Probably not. It's too soon...feh, we've only really known each other for a couple of days, and a few hours' worth of camaraderie doesn't make up for years' worth of time spent apart. But...he seemed to enjoy hanging out yesterday. And the girls had fun, too. Maybe...
Maybe I'm just grasping at straws. With a sigh, he shook his head again, rising to his feet and sending white pidgeons fluttering about. This isn't like me at all...
His mother was so withdrawn this morning that he couldn't bear to stay in the house--the main reason he was sitting out here moping. After what had happened last night, she had become so depressed and anxious--worried for him, no doubt, and reminded painfully of the past by the things dredged up in Ojisan's call and his own harsh words. She seemed to grow sadder and sadder each time she looked at him; it happened occasionally, usually near her wedding anniversary or the day of Toichi's death, and he felt guilty for it...but he couldn't help his resemblance to his father, and he couldn't help that he reminded her of him.
When such times came, all he could do was weather them and wait for her to return to her cheerful self--the way she always did.
But...it was different this time; darker, more painful, and she'd cried for so long last night... Another thing to blame Ojisan for--calling her up and probably chewing her out for not preventing her son's activities as Kaitou Kid.
Suddenly agitated, Kaito shoved his hands into his coat pockets and stepped off the porch, heading for the street--he needed a walk to clear his head, and he needed to give his mother space. Face set in an uncharacteristic scowl, his strides were quick and long as he picked a random direction and went, not caring where he'd end up at this point. His thoughts turned to his uncle, and what he'd like to say to the man when they finally met.
First, perhaps he'd say "Hello." Just so everyone wouldn't think him a complete boor.
Then he'd demand to know why Ojisan had left, why he'd told so many lies--even to his own son, leaving Shinichi victim to the heavy blow of suddenly learning the long-hidden truth. Kaito had been right there, right beside him on that day, and it didn't matter that those shocked, distressed eyes had been set in the face of a small child--that was still Shinichi, still his cousin, and his feelings were just as real as Kaito's own. Despite his ironic laughter that day long before, Kaito had been stunned to learn the truth as well...
Oh, he had many things he wanted to say to his uncle; as he strode aimlessly through the suburban streets, he made a mental list--a very careful and detailed mental list, just as if he were planning a heist. When he finally met his uncle, the man was going to listen to him, and listen good.
Yes, he had a lot to say to Ojisan, indeed he did...
Fumiyo wasn't sure exactly when Kaito left; he'd been concerned and moody all morning in response to her sadness, no doubt believing it to be his own fault--and she felt worse now for abandoning her son like this, just because she was upset about...
About someone she hadn't heard from in ten years, other than the occasional chunks of money that showed up in her husband's still-active savings account. Yuusaku Kudo, Toichi's younger brother, more than fifteen years estranged from the Kuroba family.
He'd called her last night, his voice hard and stern in that "I'm-angry-but-I'm-not-going-to-show-it" way of his, demanding to know why she'd let her son carry on Toichi's foolishness. Why she hadn't stopped him from endangering himself and the rest of the family. Why she'd told him about Shinchi...
But she hadn't. She hadn't told Kaito anything--she'd kept her promise. But Kaito was smart and cunning, and he'd figured it all out on his own. She hadn't stopped him because...he was so much like Toichi, and she knew no matter what she said or did he would never stop until her husband was avenged.
So much like Toichi...and nothing like Yuusaku.
Toichi and Yuusaku... Being brothers, they were so much alike--but they had been so very different as well. Toichi was proud and decisive and outgoing, where Yuusaku was quiet and evasive and reserved. Toichi had been blunt and open, and though he loved the secrets and tricks of a phantom thief he never believed in telling falsehoods any more than was absolutely necessary, especially to people who mattered to him--most importantly, his family.
Perhaps telling tall tales helped in writing--but thank God for Yukiko-chan, or who knows what kind of person Yuusaku would be now? He solved murders for the police, but helped cover up his own brother's murder to prevent anyone from discovering his secrets. He was nice enough, but he had always been rather self-serving and ambiguous, lying to anyone without hesitation or remorse...
How then had Yuusaku produced a son who believed so strongly in the truth?
She'd heard of Shinichi Kudo, even read about him in the newspapers, but that was different than hearing about the person that he was. She and Kaito had talked for a long time last night, once her storm of tears had come to an end; he had shared with her what he'd learned of his cousin--told her of the honest, gentle, compassionate, dedicated young man the little baby she'd known had become. Of course Shinichi had faults--who didn't? He was prideful--probably just as boastful as Kaito--and a little spoiled, but somehow he hadn't inherited many of Yuusaku's worst shortcomings.
Shinichi sounded more like his uncle than his father--especially to hear Kaito tell it. Such a sincere boy, so devastated when he found out his father had lied to him for so long--as if he couldn't believe such a thing of Yuusaku...
Poor Shin-chan, she thought, as she heard the doorbell ring and rose to answer it. I feel so sorry for him, not knowing anything. I knew somehow...I knew it was wrong to keep this from the boys. I just wish Yuusaku could see...
All her thoughts fled in a rush when she opened the front door. Memories burst through her mind as she gasped aloud, tears forming instantly in her eyes as she reached out to the person standing on her doorstep. "Yukiko-chan!"
"Fumiyo-chan." Yukiko Kudo managed a smile, her own eyes filling as she moved to embrace her long-lost friend. It had been ten years since they had last spoken--and more than that since they had shared any time together. But best friends don't let go so easily--and when reunited, old bonds prove strong indeed.
As the women cried softly on each others' shoulders for a few minutes, Yuusaku Kudo stood back and waited for the storm to abate. His face was set with purpose and his eyes were dark and hard; he had matters to discuss with Mrs. Kuroba before he confronted his son and his nephew at last. He fully intended to stop Kaitou Kid once and for all.
He was going to put an end to the dangers that threatened them--and if it took removing Kaito's "toys" and taking Shinichi away to America, then so be it.
He would do anything to protect his family, even if it meant they might hate him for the rest of their lives...
Ran and Shinichi had a wonderful morning, from breakfast at a fancy restauraunt to gaming in the arcade, from one last little shopping trip to a matinee movie, from lunch at a quaint, casual little cafe to their after-meal stroll to Beika Park...
They spent their time just enjoying each other's company, not worrying about when it had to end or what might happen tomorrow. Their "date" was no place for such cares; they only needed to think about each other--her hand in his, her smile at him, his eyes only for her. Those short/long hours on that beautiful Saturday morning became all that mattered, and they simply enjoyed themselves without fretting over the details.
But after lunch, Shinichi began to glance at his sports watch more often, began to grow more pensive, began to make Ran notice his uneasiness. The walk to the park had been her suggestion; after so many exciting activities before lunch, something quiet and calming would do them good. Shinichi agreed, wanting a place to gather his thoughts, to say what he needed to say and do what he needed to do before his time was up.
Still hand-in-hand, they strolled along the bike path through the pleasant, sunny little park. Across the way, past the cherry trees, there were children having fun on the playground, while some families picnicked the afternoon away on such a fine day. The path he'd chosen to lead Ran on was one of the more remote, running through the shadier part of the park and seldom visited by anyone--except couples with a particular aim in mind, Shinichi remembered with some embarassment.
There was a stretch of water running through one corner of the park--the kids he hung out with called it "the river" but it was really little more than a glorified drainage ditch, a tiny canal with grass growning along the sides so it looked somewhat less artificial. Still, it was pleasant enough to stop on the little wooden footbridge over the water, leaning against the rail with Ran at his side--and it made his insides warm when she rested her head on his shoulder with a sigh; he could just make out her blush from the corner of his eye, but if she was brave enough to do it, then he was brave enough to stay put.
They stayed like that for several minutes, just leaning on the bridge railing and watching the water flow serenely past, enjoying each other's quiet presence and warm proximity. Standing in the midst of a perfect moment in time, they treasured up each nuance of it in their hearts, saving this crystal memory exactly as it was, to remember this serene, tender interlude for the rest of their lives.
A green maple leaf floated by beneath them, poised on the translucent skin of the shade-dappled water. It was like time--like this instant in their lives, a poignant moment passing smoothly into history's eclipse, never to come again. New leaves could fall, new water could flow, but that which passed could never return. Time, both healer and destroyer...
Shinichi's involuntary sigh broke the silence as the little leaf drifted out of sight and the moment was gone. Ran stirred in response, as if awakening from a daydream, lifting her head from his shoulder to regard him thoughtfully, sadly.
"I really wish you didn't have to go," she said softly.
"Believe me, there's nothing I want more than to stay like this. I don't relish going back to..." Realizing he'd spoken without thought, Shinichi frowned, staring down at the water and going over his last words carefully. Once he was sure he'd said nothing too incriminating, he sighed and continued. "But I have to leave."
Even though she'd known what his answer would be, her face still fell; she too turned her eyes to the ever-flowing water...because his brief, pained expression spoke more eloquently than words.
"But...why?" she asked at length, barely above a whisper. "Why is this case so much more important than...everything and everyone in your life?"
He winced visibly, looking down. "Ran, I...wish I could tell you..."
"Can't you?"
"No!" His reply came more abruptly than he intended. "I'm sorry. I mean...I wish I could but...it's not about me. Ran, this..." He chewed his lip for a moment, uncertain, agonizing briefly over just how he could plausibly explain it. "Don't say anything to anyone, but...this case I'm working on...it's very big, and very secret--it could affect everyone, and that's why I can't say much about it...and I can't stay around here much either. It could be dangerous...for you and everyone who's important to me--so it's not that I want to leave you alone, it's just..."
Her eyes were wide, surprised and worried for him. "Shinichi...! If it's that risky, why are you even mixed up in it? You're just a high school student--why do the police need you?"
"Because...because..." His hand tightened on the rail. "I'm involved, that's why...I really don't have much of a choice--it's not up to me, it's... Ran, this goes way beyond the police, believe me--and I don't want to be a part of it but I have to. And besides that...I can solve this case--I know it. I keep getting closer and closer..."
"Top secret cases," Ran commented ruefully, after a moment of silence between them, "and bad guys that not even the Great Detective Shinichi Kudo can apprehend without so much work...it must be an exciting mystery."
"Hell no..." Shinichi looked uncomfortable and rather disgusted. "It's been the most absolutely miserable...difficult...confusing, irritating, frustrating case I've ever worked on. Sometimes it seems I'm getting nowhere, but then...something breaks and I think, 'This could be it. This could be what I've been waiting for.' But...so often it never is."
Ran's gaze was sympathetic. "Whoever caused this case--they must be pretty awful if they can stump even you for this long."
"'This long?' It's been too long..." His shoulders slumped. "God, I...I really just want it to be over..."
Sensing his sadness, his weariness, Ran leaned closer to rest her head on his shoulder again. "Me too," she admitted softly. "If it's hurting you this much...Shinichi, you should stop; let the police or whoever deal with it--you don't have to solve every case...!"
"I can't." His voice cracked, but he kept talking. "Ran, I don't have a choice. Please understand, if it were up to me I'd tell them all to go to hell, but...I can't..."
"Who...who's making you--?"
"Look, you have to keep this a secret," he said suddenly, his voice roughened but almost pleading. "I'm already pushing it just saying this much. You can't mention anything to your parents, or friends--I'm away on a case, and that's it. And...please, don't tell anyone I was here, either--if the guys I'm trying to catch find out, they might--" He cut himself off, swallowing hard, realizing he was coming far too close to saying too much. "Ran...I'm really sorry. When this is all over I promise..."
"It's okay," she whispered, hiding her hurt behind compassion. "I understand. I just wish you weren't all alone. When you call, sometimes you sound so lonely."
He almost managed a tiny smile. "Well, that's why I call...when I get lonely and I can't stand it any more, I just like to hear your voice..."
She blushed a little, laughing shortly. "If you can't stay, maybe I could go with you."
"Ran..." The pain behind his little smile only seemed to grow. "I wish you could. But it's out of my hands...at least now I've got some help, if Kuroba lives up to his word--" His voice cut off with a half-choke, his eyes widening. Aw shit, I just blew it!
"Help?" Ran blinked curiously. "Your cousin's going to help you solve this case? That's great!" She didn't appear to suspect anything, nor did she seem angry. "With two brains like yours on the job, it should get much easier."
"Brains...?" At least she isn't suspicious... "I--I guess...he's no dimwit, that's for sure..."
Ran actually smiled, surprising him out of his nervous freeze. "I'm glad to hear that, actually. I'm glad you won't always be alone."
"Ran, I..." She's right...I've been all by myself--Hattori's a good friend and a great detective, but...so often he's a pain in the rear and he almost blows my cover. Kaito, on the other hand--he understands everything and he really wants to help...and I can help him... "Thanks. I'm...glad he's gonna help, too. But please don't--"
"Don't say anything to anyone, I know." She sighed, almost ruefully. "I'm the daughter of a private detective, you know--I do know how to keep secrets. Shinichi...you really can tell me anything, just like I promised--I meant it that day and I still do."
"Ran..." He caught his breath at the sincere caring in her eyes. She meant it--she would stand by him, believe in him...and he was being so cruel to her by lying and hiding and...
"Last night, I wonder if it was Fate," she said after a few moments of watching the stream, her tone brightening as she spoke. "You know--us meeting on the street like that, with you and Kuroba-kun together, and Aoko-chan showing up right at the same time. It's almost like someone arranged it."
Fate, right--somebody up there loves me, or hates me... Shinichi mused to himself before replying. "I think that was just a happy coincidence. Kuroba...Kaito and I weren't really expecting to run into anyone."
"I'm glad we did, though," she said. "It was nice to finally meet your cousin. I'm happy to know he's the guy who's going to help you--he seems like just what you need. I'm just surprised you haven't introduced us before. I've never..." She smiled a little, feeling awkward for mentioning it. "I've never seen you really talk to anybody like that, not even me. Aoko-chan and I--we were both amazed to watch you two."
Shinichi was rather surprised that Ran had picked up on that. She's more right than she knows; I've never been able to have a conversation like that with anyone else--not her, not any of the guys in high school... "Well, I guess we just...think alike," he admitted. "We have different opinions on things, but we're...we're family, and...we can understand each other."
"You're such good friends," Ran said. "Almost like me and Sonoko--buddy friends, who can share everything, from gossip about boys to secrets and fears...um, well, gossip about girls, in your case..."
Shinichi actually snorted, a short chuckle of acknowledgement. "Kaito's a pretty fun guy, and he's got a great sense of humor...he doesn't mind talking about the same things I like to talk about, and I don't mind his favorite topics so much either. I don't know why, but we...we get along." He looked surprised by his own words. Yeah...we are friends, aren't we? I never thought it'd be possible, not with who he is, and who I am...but... It could be true...I wonder what he thinks...?
Ran eyed him for a moment, her mouth curving into a playful smile. "You and Kuroba-kun both babble at the same speed, you know. You were going so fast last night that Aoko-chan and I almost felt like you two were speaking a different language." Her gaze quickly turned wistful. "I have to admit I'm jealous of him. I wish I could keep up with you like he does. I'm...I'm just not as smart as you are, Shinichi...I can't solve cases, and I have to work so hard in school...and even though I try I just can't be as bright as you. I guess I'm sort of a lead weight compared to you, huh?"
He stared at her, taken aback by her honesty. "Hey, what are you saying? You are not stupid, Ran!" He frowned, standing up from the railing to face her. "I sure as hell don't think of you like that! How can you say that? It doesn't matter what your test scores are or how fast you can solve a case, I still--Ran, you're more important than...than IQ or grade point average..."
Her gentle smile made him run to a halt. "Be honest," she murmured. "You're way above most people, Shinichi, and you know it. The rest of us must seem kind of dull compared to Kuroba-kun."
Struck by her frankness, he scowled, turning away to lean on the railing once more, this time somewhat further away from her. "Well, fine, if you want to be so direct," he said roughly, flicking a twig off the rail and watching it drop to the water. "Yes. Kaito can follow me through an explanation and I don't have to repeat things to him; he remembers what I tell him and he comprehends everything that I say so I don't have to stop and explain anything...if that's what you mean, then yeah--he's easy for me to talk to that way."
"I see..." She stared at the water, her expression a strange mix of unhappy and glad.
"When I talk to other people I have to pause and clarify, or they miss something and I have to repeat myself, or they don't understand certain facts pertaining to the subject matter of the conversation so I have to educate them." His jaw was tight as he spoke; he hated himself for hurting her, even though he made himself continue with brutal candor--she'd forced the point, she'd asked him to be honest. "There's no trick to school--it's just easy for me because I can remember everything I see and hear and read. It's true that I don't have many other friends, but that's because I get frustrated by guys who always seem pretty dim. But I don't see other people as stupid or brainless, just...a little slow."
When she didn't reply, he winced and mentally cursed himself, hurrying to come up with something to say that would make her feel better. "But I don't think you're dumb--I'm a bigger idiot than anyone and you shouldn't listen to me when my mouth runs off and I'm only teasing--I like you just how you are, Ran; you're great in school, you're studious and hardworking, you've got twice the guts I do and I know for a fact you're smarter than your dad is--you could be a kickass lawyer someday, or even a cop, 'cause you're as sharp as your mom and you don't take shit from anybody...hell, do you think I'd like you as much as I do if I thought you were witless...?"
He finally noticed her smile--a soft knowing smile that made his stumblings come to a halt. "Thank you for telling me," she said, facing him with that same smile. "I understand."
"You...you do...?" He blinked, not really sure what she'd gotten out of that...but at least she was smiling now. "Ran, I just...I don't want you to think I don't..."
"It's okay, Shinichi--really, it's okay." She came close to him once more, setting her elbow next to his on the rail and smiling at him ever more brightly. "I really do understand--I have for a long time, actually, but it just felt good to hear you say it." She blushed a little as she spoke, her eyes twinkling with sudden shy merriment. "I like you just the way you are, too; your brains and your mysteries and your Holmes-obsession--everything. I'm glad you're special, or else you just wouldn't be my Shinichi."
"Ran..." He took a breath, looking into her eyes. His voice wouldn't work after that--the raw affection in her gaze made his throat close up.
Her face was turning crimson, but her eyes never left his. "Shinichi...you're very special to me. Even if you weren't the smartest guy in Tokyo, I'd still..."
They stood up from the railing as one, facing each other with flushed cheeks and intense gazes; the fact that their time together had to end sometime soon was far away from their consciousness--at that moment, the only thing they saw was each other.
"Ran...I..." For an awkward moment he didn't think his words could say enough, but he had to try--he had to tell her somehow. "I don't care about skills or brains or any of that other stuff...and I sure don't know what I'd do without you. I like you as much as I do because you're you..."
Her shyly happy face was enough of an answer for him; they faced each other on the bridge with equal blushes, near enough to feel the closeness, to feel the change in the atmosphere of their conversation.
"If you like me, then..." Her smile was almost playful. "...it shouldn't be too hard to keep your promise..."
Oh yeah. The kiss.
Shinichi couldn't help his shaky smile, although his heartbeat suddenly kicked up at the prospect. A kiss...with Ran...something he'd hardly dared even dream of doing... She reached to take his hands--and he wondered with some embarassment when his palms had gotten so sweaty. "Um...Ran...about that...if you don't really want to I won't make you..."
She was blushing too, but her smile remained; she seemed so much more confident than he felt...was she only teasing him? "Shinichi...if I wasn't serious, would I ask?" Her hands squeezed his, pulling him a half-step closer and causing his eyes to widen into saucers.
She really expected him to do it? He hoped she was dead serious...because right now there wasn't anything he'd rather do. Even though he was scared half to death, there was something hot in the pit of his stomach--something that trickled through him with unmistakable impatience, a strange eager fervor--even as terrified as he was, he still wanted this...
With a nearly-audible gulp, he gathered the nerve to lean closer to her--close enough to feel her breath mingle with his. It was as near as he'd ever been, even as Conan--but he was in his grown body now, and it had ideas too; his heart pounded and his nerves tingled in frightened-yet-willing anticipation.
She was so sweet and trusting, eyes closed and face upturned innocently to him. He was nervous and utterly untried; the first kiss he gave her would be so awkward and unskilled--he had no clue how but he was sure as hell going to try even if he was clumsy, and God he hoped she liked it because if she didn't he'd never work up the courage to try again...and she was so close, so close he could almost taste her and...
Pain.
He froze, his breath catching with the abruptness of it. The flickering heat he felt within had licked up, harsh and familiar--heat he'd thought was the result of her closeness and the hope of her kiss.
No, the giddy rush of warmth from her proximity was gentle and welcome--this was a far crueler sensation, one that would grow in intensity and agony until...
Oh God no... The air in his lungs came out in a rush as the heat in his stomach was suddenly replaced with dead cold--frigid fear that only served to accentuate the faint pain that began to course across his insides. No, it's too soon...oh please, please no--not now--not now--!
The sensation was unmistakable--that liquid fire that surged along his bones with each heartbeat, intensifying with every breath...
"Shinichi?" Ran's eyes were open now, full of concern. "Shinichi, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
Not now--oh God not yet...why? Why now? It's too soon! Please, not yet...I haven't told her anything! God, not now, not right in front of her--I can't let her see...!
With his breath suddenly coming in hard gasps, he stepped back, gulping--this time to swallow back the low moan of misery and distress that threatened to well up. "Ran..." he choked, barely able to marshall his voice with the terror that lodged in his throat. "I can't... I...I have to go...!"
"Shinichi...?" The concern in her eyes turned abruptly to hurt, almost as if he'd struck her. "But...you promised...!"
He was still backing away, trembling visibly as sweat broke out across his brow. "God, I'm so sorry Ran...!" With his teeth gritted against a cry of pure anguish, he whirled and began to run. Behind him, Ran stood stock-still for several long, shocked seconds--before she let out a yell of anger and began to follow him.
Shinichi couldn't stop--he kept running. It was pure sprint, as fast as his legs could carry him, spurred by the growing pain that spread through his limbs like molten metal through a mold. Every step grew more difficult and the sensation of a stitch in both sides spread from his belly to his ribs, and then his legs and arms...until he was gasping every breath and forcing himself to run. He couldn't let Ran catch up--he couldn't let her see this--he had to escape, even though there was no place for him to go but home.
Thank God Beika Park was close to the Kudo house...but damn this fickle "cure"--and damn his own hesitation! He'd run himself out of time again--his own fault, his own stupid, stupid fault...!
He was running, and it hurt to run--it hurt his soul to flee from Ran, it hurt his body to move...Ai had said no physical exertion close to the change, but here he was racing down the street like a madman. Who knew what would happen--he might pass out on the sidewalk and shrink down to a child right there, for all the world to see...right in front of Ran when she caught up...
Pain and shame--God, it hurt to run; agony blossomed more sharply with every step, and he was already feeling feverish--would he even make it to his own house? There--there it was; his own driveway never semed more welcoming. He'd actually made it!
Barely slowing, he stumbled toward the house, letting out gasping groans with each breath; he'd pushed himself further than he ever had before--he'd never kept moving this long once the change started... When he fell against the door and managed to fumble it open, he left it swinging wide as he tottered inside, vision blurring dangerously.
He half-crawled up the stairs, focused on reaching the bathroom, his muscles spasming with cramps and hot painful numbness--he knew he could be doing irreparable damage to his body, pushing it like this where before he'd always stopped moving and given up to unconsciousness. But he couldn't give up now--not when Ran was following; his heartbeat throbbed more rawly than ever and he couldn't breathe--!
Oh God, I've done it now--maybe I will die this time--it hurts, it hurts...!
He couldn't see any more--nothing but hazy gray blur as he stumbled along the carpet, feeling blindly for the bathroom door. He knew it should be here--he knew his own house...his seeking fingers found the opening, and unreasoning relief surged through him, cooling the fire for a brief instant. He drew himself inside with a pained grunt, reaching to close the door and lock it...damn, the doorknob seemed higher--was he already starting to shrink?
Safe at last, locked in the bathroom where no one would see... He couldn't get enough air, no matter how much he gasped--he couldn't see and his head spun until the room was sideways...heat--it was all so unbearably hot...but the floor was nice and cool where he collapsed on it...
Let go...let go, the darkness is colder...
The last thing he heard was her voice, calling loudly from somewhere nearby...downstairs...? She was here, and she was looking for him...and he could only pray that she didn't find him, that he could survive the journey back to Conan...
...sorry...I tried...so sorry, Ran...
Ran had lost sight of Shinichi a ways back, but with the direction he was heading it became obvious to her that he was running for home. So that's where she went as well, panting from exertion as she arrived on his doorstep to find the front door left carelessly open--and goodness, had he even left his shoes on when he went in...?
The sound of a door closing in the house startled her, and she gasped when she heard a heavy thump from somewhere within. "Shinichi?" she called, standing hesitantly in the entryway. "Shinichi, I know you're here! Where are you?"
When there was no answer, a cold lump of worry settled in her stomach. She closed the door softly behind her and reached down to pull off her sandals, stepping into the front hall listening carefully for any noise.
"Shinichi?" The house was frighteningly silent--no footsteps, no rustlings, no sounds of life. She hurried upstairs, driven by some impulse--maybe he was hiding in his room... "Shinichi! Answer me!"
The bedroom was empty, and so was the upstairs study--but the bathroom door was locked, so she knocked on it. "Shinichi, are you in there? Shinichi?"
Again, no answer--but the door was locked from the inside, so he had to be--! "Shinichi, I know you've gotta be in there! Come out and talk to me! Are you just avoiding me or something? What's the matter with you?"
She felt tears of grief and frustration welling up--he wasn't saying anything...was he not even there...? "If you really didn't want to kiss me you could have just said so, you baka!" she called out to someone who might not even be in the house... "Are you trying to play games with me? You can be such a jerk--! If you were scared to kiss me you could just tell me! I wouldn't make you if you didn't want to! I'm not an ogre or anything--why can't you ever be honest with me when it matters?"
She waited for several seconds, waited for an answer...but there was nothing but silence, and she began to wonder if she was just speaking to thin air. But if he was there, and he was just ignoring her, shutting her out, refusing to talk with her...
Her tears fell, tracing two new trails down her reddened cheeks. "Do you just hate me?" she asked at length. "If that's the case, just tell me...I'm just sick of being lied to if you're only pretending. If you don't care about me any more..." Her voice was overcome by a sudden gulping sob. Oh God, I'll die if you don't...!
"Shinichi, why...?" she choked, turning away from the silent bathroom door.
To be continued...
AN: Sorry this chapter's so short, but it's a lead-off to a much bigger event--coming up next! Be patient just a little longer, and I'll have it done ASAP! I'm on a roll now, so it shouldn't be long!
Important note: I've got a ton of new fanarts from Magik (^_^ Thank you, Magik!!) that are some gorgeous illustrations from File 8: Cards on the Table. Go see!
http://tailweaver.faithweb.com/dconan.html