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Relative Truth
by Becky Tailweaver
File 11: Truth or Dare
Ran--!
Shinichi awoke fighting--clawing his way back to consciousness almost as soon as the hot painful weight that smothered his mind was gone. As soon as he was aware enough to struggle against it, he was thrashing in the blackness of his pain-induced sleep like a child flailing free of a heavy blanket--moving upward toward the light as though striving to climb from a dark cave, as though laboring to reach the surface of deep water.
And just like a swimmer coming up from a long dive, he burst into wakefulness with a gasp of effort, sitting straight up off the floor--his first thoughts were for her and for the first moment he forgot everything but her hurt, tearful face...
But as both his mind and his vision cleared, he realized that the world had once again become a much bigger place--or rather, he had become much smaller. Conan Edogawa had returned.
"It's over," he whispered, soft childish soprano once more. Shattering disappointment--raw bitter anguish...his day with Ran had come to such an awful end, at such an awful time...
Gritting his teeth against the lingering aches of transformation, he began to pull himself upright, leaning heavily on the wall in the dark, silent bathroom. He was engulfed in his adult clothing; items which had fit perfectly only a few minutes ago now swamped him in loose material, hampering his efforts to get to his feet. As small as he'd become, he lost his jeans as soon as he stood up, and his blue shirt covered him like a robe.
His hands fisted somewhere inside the far-too-long sleeves; grimacing in rage and frustration he slammed those same fists against the wall--small helpless fists that did little more than cause a sharp thunk to resound through the room. Tiny, weak, vulnerable child's fists, unable to do anything that was needed--fists and body that forced him to rely on others, to remain subject to others' whims, to live utterly dependent on the adults around him. Forced him to hide from Ran and leave her hurting and alone...
Dammit...dammit...dammit--! he thought bitterly, pressing his forehead to the abused wall and fighting back sudden hot tears. You stupid fake cure! Couldn't it have waited? Just a few minutes more? Just until I could give her what I promised, tell her how I feel, and say goodbye to her? God, why does this keep happening? Why do I have to live like this...?
He was trembling as he stood there in the silent bathroom--shaking, and resisting the urge to cry. Tears would get him nowhere, would solve nothing--and he wasn't a child; he was a man, and regardless of his form he was determined to act like one...
But why did it have to be then? I wanted to keep my promise! Ten minutes--five would've been enough. I wanted to kiss her, maybe even hold her, and tell her...tell her I... Agonized, he beat his fist against the wall again--and against his will, he felt the tears coming. Dammit, I couldn't even get to do that, could I? Why, God damn you--you stupid, fickle, worthless, half-baked excuse for a cure--!
It was futile, railing against an inanimate object--worse, an inanimate object that had long since ceased to exist, having become merely a concept in his mind. Ai Haibara's short-term cure for his condition was not a secure solution, and he knew it--it was erratic by nature, and a strict twenty-four hours was never guaranteed. His anger at himself he focused on the fickleness of the chemical he'd ingested--it hurt less if he could use it as a buffer against acknowledging his own hesitation and procrastination.
He didn't even have a murder mystery as an excuse this time. It was, undeniably, his own fault.
He forced himself up, away from the wall, wiping his face on the blue shirt's overlong sleeve. He couldn't stay and sulk here forever; he had a life to live--Conan's life, dammit--and an evil syndicate to trash. The sooner he managed that, the sooner he could get back to his own life--and to Ran.
Ran... As he pulled off the last of his adult clothes and tossed them to the floor, his thoughts turned to the girl he had hurt and cheated once again. Damn, I should call her--no, she probably hates my guts right now, and she'd be pissed...but if I don't, she'll think I just abandoned her. She probably does anyway...shit, I don't have any excuses this time--I just ran like a spineless...
But I have to be Conan now, dammit...or she'll start to wonder... As he pulled on the kid-clothes he'd left in the bathroom the previous afternoon, his mind turned quickly to a conclusion. Wait! If I can go catch up to her as Conan, I can see just how mad she is so I'll know what to say when I call her...lame idea but it's something...
I wish I'd had just a little more time...
Spurred by his new plan, he hurried to finish pulling on his shirt and unlocked the bathroom door. Wearing only his pants and his unbuttoned shirt, he carried his socks and jacket with him, scooping his glasses off the counter and shoving them on almost as an afterthought as he hustled out into the hall.
At the top of the stairs, he froze. There was someone still in the house--he could hear it.
That someone was crying.
Oh God, it's Ran...!
Guilt and shame crashed in on him as her sobs struck home--she was sitting downstairs somewhere crying her eyes out over him, because he'd been such goddamn coward and a liar...!
What else could he do? He couldn't help it--not with the way he felt about her. Her weeping drew him inexorably; he left his bundle of clothes at the top of the stairs and made a halfway attempt to button his shirt as he followed the sounds of her grief, coming to a halt at the door to his father's library. Cautiously, he peeked within, leaning around the doorframe.
His face pinched with self-reproach when he spotted her across the room. She was sitting on the carpet with her back to the door and her face in her hands; by some strange coincidence, she was sitting just at the spot where his parents kept the family photo albums--he'd sat in almost the same place when he'd gone through them in a frenzy the other day...
Or maybe not such a coincidence--before her, one of the photo albums lay open on the floor; he couldn't tell which, but it didn't matter now.
She was sobbing, and it was all his fault. And there was nothing he could do now--nothing that would help. Nothing that she wanted.
She wanted Shinichi. Not Conan.
But no matter what face he wore, she was still Ran, and he still...
"Ran...neechan." He was standing in the middle of the doorway now, face set with worry--he hadn't really meant to talk to her here but he had to...she was crying and he wanted to do something...
Obviously startled, Ran turned, wiping her face as she focused on the child standing in the door. Remorse flashed through him almost palpably when he saw her red, tear-streaked cheeks and desolate eyes. "Conan-kun? What are you...?"
Ran stared at the boy in surprise, taking in his sweaty, unkempt appearance. Conan was barefoot and disheveled, his shirt only half-buttoned and his hair tousled with perspiration. He looked like he'd just been out roughousing with his friends--but Conan never did things like that if he could help it...and his eyes were so weary and concerned, not alight with recent fun...
Conan swallowed, at a loss for what to say. "I just heard...saw you...I thought I should...come and..." he stuttered, reaching desperately for an explanation. "I was...afraid you might..."
"I thought you were at Professor Agasa's," Ran said, somewhat confused as she sniffed and wiped her eyes. "I heard noises and the door was open, so...I thought maybe...Shinichi..."
"Shinichi-niichan says he's sorry he can't come back now..." It came out before he thought first--stupid and incriminating, but his mouth just seemed to run on as he struggled for words. "He'll come back soon...so don't worry. He's really sorry and... Ran--neechan...um...are you okay? I got worried when I saw you...and I wanted to...make sure you..."
She was staring at him, her gaze wide-eyed and piercing--such a knowing stare that his voice creaked to a stop and his heart began to pound. He was just digging himself into a great big hole, and she was going to be the one to bury him...
"Conan-kun...why are you here?" Ran asked, her mind a whirl of suspicion and disbelief once more. With Shinichi's abrupt disappearance, her hopes had been shattered...but Conan's sudden arrival--just a little while after Shinichi vanished--prompted her old familiar wonderings once again. "You can't really see what's going on here from Agasa's...and no one's come in the house, or I would've heard the door. I can't help but wonder...since I haven't seen you since yesterday morning...but Shinichi came and..."
He gaped at her, unable to reply--unable to explain. Oh no...I've really screwed up this time--the mother of all screw-ups, on top of the rest of this screwed-up week...!
"And you knew about the kiss," Ran whispered, barely audible across the room. "The one Shinichi promised me on the phone...and he ran away just before..."
I'm busted... He flinched with guilt at her words; she must have seen it, because her eyes widened and there was suddenly something in them--something sorrowful and knowing and understanding...
She suddenly turned away, back to the album and the shelf, resting her hands on her knees, her head lowered until her bangs hid her eyes. Her shoulders shook faintly, accompanied by the sound of soft sniffles.
"But...maybe you saw me running past on the street, right?" she asked, her voice broken by tears. "Maybe that's how you knew. You always seem to know. You're...such a mystery to me sometimes, Conan-kun...you're the most amazing little boy...and the smartest..."
"Ran-neechan..."
"I want you to be honest with me, Conan-kun," she said, her voice growing stronger though no less tearful. Her shoulders tensed, but she still didn't look at him. "I want you to tell me...are you or are you not Shinichi Kudo?"
He caught his breath audibly, jolted by her directness. "Ran-neechan...?"
"I've been wondering for so long...even though you've told me you're not. But there's so many things that keep...reminding me, and making me think... Conan-kun, I'm just...tired of not knowing for sure," she told him--unnerving him with the hidden strength in her tone, and the fact that she refused to face him. "Being uncertain hurts more than...being alone. I want you to tell me the truth...please, just this once..."
Ran...
Her voice picked up, became pleading. "I just want to know, once and for all--just tell me the real truth this one time, and I promise I'll never ask again, no matter what the answer is. If you're just Conan, then I'll never bother you again--I won't scare you and make you unhappy because of Shinichi. But if you're...if you're him...then...I won't say anything, anything at all--I'll just keep on pretending and I won't talk about it--I won't even ask you why...please, just tell me the truth..."
Ran...God, Ran, I'm sorry...
"Conan-kun?"
The silence drew out; still, he couldn't say anything, caught in indecision. He could walk out of this--she'd said so herself. She'd given him a way out, given him her word she'd never accuse him of being Shinichi again.
But she was asking--begging for the truth; the truth he'd been hiding for so long. He'd done it all for her safety...right? Perhaps in the beginning, when he hadn't yet realized the scale of what he was up against--when he'd thought it was a simple matter of a few weeks, maybe a few months, and the breakup of a regular crime ring. And perhaps in part just because he was so goddamn ashamed to let her see him like that, reduced to a child. But it had been so long since then--and despite all his efforts he'd gotten nowhere against the Black Organization...and he was still alone. Ran had waited so long too...and she could keep secrets, just like she'd said...
Secrets and lies... This same sort of secrets and lies had just about broken his spirit three days ago--the day he'd found out his father had been hiding such an awful secret. Beyond the truth about his heritage, there were so many things his father kept from him... Dear old Dad would just neglect to tell him things until they became critical, or decide to leave him out of the loop during an investigation--all just to protect his "safety." He invariably ended up being in more danger due to lack of information, or misinformation...
Was that how Ran felt? Frustrated, saddened, and angry that the person she thought she could trust continually lied to her--and didn't trust her enough to share...?
Dad's told so many lies...to me, and even Mom...and now I'm shaping up to be just as big a hypocrite as him... He set his jaw, gritting his teeth. The lies have to stop somewhere--they have to stop with me--
"...Conan-kun...?"
Ran's voice was tremulous now, as if suddenly uncertain. He realized she was watching him now, half-turned, in hesitant, almost frightened anticipation. He met her eyes with a shaky breath and a sorrowful half-smile; his voice was weak and trembling but he spoke with blatant honesty--with the truth.
"Ran...I'm so sorry...I couldn't give you the kiss you wanted..."
She gasped deeply, her hand flying to her mouth and her eyes brimming anew. She was turned fully to face him now, shaking her head as if in denial, suddenly dissolving into stunned, silent sobs as she stared at him.
She knows now...she knows... Conan--Shinichi felt a strange, slightly crazed smile appear on his lips; Ran knew the truth...and he wasn't sure what was going to happen next. He felt surprising relief, coupled with faint regret and growing fear. She was still staring at him--her hand was still over her mouth, though she looked like she wanted to burst out and ask him why.
Wait...no way--she was serious about that? She's really not going to...? Suddenly concerned, he took a few steps forward. "Ran...don't try to--please, say something! Tell me you're okay...please...!"
Finally, her hand fell from her mouth--she was gaping, trying to speak. "Shinichi...!"
He laughed shortly, crazedly, desperately... "Hi Ran, I'm...really sorry about running out on you before...I got scared, 'cause my time was up, and I didn't want you to see..."
"Shinichi, you're...?" Her breath came in gasps, shaking with tears. "You're really...?"
He nodded, still achingly unsure of what to say. "It's me. I'm Conan...or I was. Conan was for you...so I could hide...but now..." He took off his glasses, wondering why he'd bothered to put the blasted things on in the first place. "Now none of it matters...because you know, and these stupid things are worthless...!" Carelessly, angrily, he clenched them in his hand and threw them across the room, away from himself and Ran. The glasses clattered to a stop against Yuusaku's desk--and if they were broken, he didn't care. He shrugged roughly, looking to Ran again. "It's really me--all of me, all that's left of me..."
He'd given her permission to speak--to ask...and she was going to use it. Her expression flickered between shock, grief, and anger--with anger predominating; a good offense was her best defense.
"Shinichi you...you lied to me...all this time you've been...!" Her eyes were lighting up; her temper was attempting to salvage the tatters of her heart. Although tears flowed freely down her cheeks, she still stood up to rail at him, towering over him as she stepped forward. "Why couldn't you just tell me from the beginning? And every time I asked--you just kept--!"
He winced with every accusation. "I know...I'm sorry..."
"You're sorry?" she asked, almost incredulous. "You've been hiding from me in my own house and lying to me about your whereabouts and your entire identity...and you're just sorry?"
He didn't back away, although he badly wanted to--being yelled at by a short-tempered young woman twice your size will do that. "I...I can't ever make it up to you...I just..."
"I can't believe you, Conan--Shinichi--whoever you are...!" Her hands were fisted--always a danger sign, around Ran Mouri--and her brows were drawn down to a furious scowl. "I thought...we've been friends so long--doesn't that mean anything to you? Couldn't you even trust me that much? And I thought...from what you said..." Her fury suddenly melted to angry sadness, surprising him again. "You keep telling me...don't I mean more to you than...?" Her fists tightened--so tense he began to worry that she'd cut into her own palms.
"Ran...listen...there's nothing I can do to make this up to you..." He began to babble, panicked--frantic to make sure she still liked him, even a little. "I've been a bastard to you, even if I wasn't stuck like this--look, why don't you just hit me? Just like you used to whack me good whenever I needed it, whenever I was being a total jerk--seriously, just haul back and clout me, but don't hit me too hard 'cause I'm not as strong as I used to be--but go ahead and hit me, because I really deserve it and you know I do--I shouldn't've lied to you for so long...I should've...trusted...you..."
Her expression had changed--so completely that it derailed his frantic chatter, startling him into somewhat terrified silence. She was no longer furious, but her eyes still contained a sad sort of anger mixed with tearful grief.
"Uh...Ran...?"
Ran dropped to her knees in front of him to make eye contact, reaching out toward him. He flinched but didn't withdraw when she hesitantly touched his arm.
"Shinichi...you baka..." she whispered. "I can't... How could I hit you like this? You're..." Her tears had returned, trickling faintly. "I'm still mad at you, you know, but...I could really hurt you if I hit you now...and I just couldn't..."
This time he really did wince--he was weaker now, much weaker than her, and the knowledge hurt no matter how used to it he should have been by this point. "Next time I turn back to my old self, you should--"
"I just might," she replied smartly, with a faint frown. "But...I don't understand something. You were just--this morning, you were...but now you're..."
He scratched the back of his head, scuffing a foot. "That's the whole crux of the problem," he said hesitantly. "That was only temporary...because I've been stuck like this for the longest time."
"How long? You came--Conan-kun came right after--" She gasped again, pulling her hand back.
"Yeah, right after that day at Tropical Land," he finished for her, looking down. "I've been like this ever since those guys caught me and fed me their goddamn poison--and did this to me." He briefly held out his child's hands, as if they illustrated the entirety of the situation with his drug-altered body. "I saw them making a transaction in the back lot of the amusement park, but one of them caught me and knocked me out. They tried to kill me so I wouldn't reveal what I knew. Ever since then I've been hiding from you and lying to you because... Ran, what I told you on the bridge today is true too--if the men who did this to me find out I'm still alive..."
Her eyes widened. "You mean...?"
"...they'll come to kill me--and everyone around me. Agasa, the kids, my parents...you..." The tightness around his eyes betrayed his immense unease. "That's why I hid from you...and from everyone else. I couldn't take the chance of anyone finding out I'm alive. This case--it isn't a case, the police don't have a clue. Even though most of the major crap that's happened around here lately is because of them..."
"Them? Them who?"
Shinichi actually smiled a little then, sighing wearily. "You're going to want to know the whole story from top to bottom, aren't you? I might as well tell you...since I'm telling you the truth today." With a glance at Ran, he sat down right there on the carpet in front of her, making himself comfortable for the long haul. "You remember what happened at Tropical Land, how we solved that case and then I ran off--would you believe those two bastards who got me were riding in the Mystery Coaster with us? I already told you how they caught me, but even then I had no idea who they were or what they were involved in..."
The story unfolded slowly from there; a brief reiteration of the hellish night at Tropical Land, followed by a careful explanation of the Black Organization--how far-reaching it was, how ruthless its plans, how dangerous his situation. Ran went pale when he told her about Ai Haibara--Shiho Miyano, the creator of APTX 4869, once a member of the cold-blooded syndicate but now hard at work on discovering a cure for the poison's effects. She grew strangely still as she began to understand why Shinichi had kept this from her--one slip from him, from anyone who knew, and everything he cared about would be gone. He ended his narration by emphasizing his need for secrecy; not even the police knew about this, because there could be agents amongst them as well--there was almost no one he was sure he could trust, not even those he thought were his friends.
Her breath caught when she realized what he meant--he had no one backing him up, no official help, no police protection. "Shinichi...you've been doing this all alone? And...while you're like this...?"
"What else can I do?" he asked helplessly, sitting back on his hands after his long tale. "You've got to understand this, Ran--the Black Organization is literally everywhere. From scientists and students to government employees and even police... One hint that you know about them and you're dead." His eyes met hers, full of earnest worry. "You can't let on that you know anything. Even now...you've got to pretend I'm still..."
She nodded; although anger and frustration still sharpened her gaze, her temper was moderated by understanding. "I don't know how easy that will be," she confessed, looking down. "Knowing you're you, but still treating you like...like..."
"A little kid?" Shinichi shrugged helplessly. "That's another reason I didn't want to tell you. I mean, look at Hattori--he just completely forgets sometimes..."
"I can't believe he covered for you so long," Ran interrupted sharply. "And leaving poor Kazuha-chan out of the loop and making her embarass herself like that...!"
He laughed weakly. "Heh...if it makes you feel any better, she scared the crap outta me...I thought she knew and she was gonna blow my cover sky-high."
Ran gave him a glare. "You deserved whatever heart attack you got."
"Heh...yeah..." Shinichi managed an apologetic grin. "Um...Ran...does this mean you're...uh...not...so mad at me any more...?"
Her glare sparked, making him freeze nervously; her eyes narrowed and she regarded him sharply for several seconds. "I'm still mad at you, Shinichi Kudo. Because you lied to me, and you hid from me--even if it was for my own safety you could have been a little more honest with your silly phone calls. For God's sake, don't I deserve a better excuse than 'I'm off on a case, just sit on your thumbs and wait for me'? You could at least have told me that your life was in danger and you needed to be hiding--then I wouldn't have thought I meant less to you than a stupid murder...!"
His grin had turned to a remorseful grimace, his eyes tightened with guilt. "I'm sorry, Ran--I've said it before, and I'll keep saying it. I know I haven't handled this very well--not very well at all, but I've been...I've been...not myself lately, obviously..." He trailed off with an unchildlike snort.
Very unchildlike; she was so used to Conan--to the mask--and now that he wasn't hiding...it rather unnerved her. Conan's voice, speaking with Shinichi's inflections--Conan's face, displaying Shinichi's expressions... She began to wonder how he did it--how he lived with it, putting up that childish face as a mask to the world every day. She began to wonder if she'd miss her little Conan...
"Ran? Are...you okay?"
She looked up--and was startled to see Conan in front of her again. No, wait--not Conan, but Shinichi's honest concern and tremulous question mirrored the little boy she knew...she thought she'd known... "I...I don't know yet," she admitted, dropping her eyes again. "I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it. I can't believe you'd just...keep all this from me, from the very first...!"
He looked down too. "I was scared."
"What?" That got her attention--so rarely did the Shinichi she knew admit any such weakness!
The small shoulders lurched in a faint shrug, and he picked at the carpet uncomfortably. "I've spent a lot of this time...ever since that night...either frightened out of my mind or bored to death of being Conan. I guess a lot more of the time I've been scared...the night I got home I was cold and wet and miserable, and I was still in shock because of what happened. I didn't really have much time to think before you came and I had to invent Conan...and...I was still scared."
"Shinichi..."
He shrugged again, fitfully. "I didn't really want you to find out. I thought I could fix it in a few weeks, so I didn't tell because...even if it wasn't dangerous it's...humiliating, being stuck like this. I didn't want you to see..."
She winced, invisibly, just a slight change in her eyes that showed both anger and sympathy. "Did you think I would laugh at you?"
"Well...no...but..."
They sat in uncomfortable silence for several minutes, both staring at the carpet and thinking their own thoughts. Now and then they glanced at each other; Shinichi wondering if Ran was all right, Ran trying to digest everything that Shinichi had told her.
Shinichi began to grow nervous as Ran continued to stare into space; wanting to avert the possibility of an outburst, as well as make her more comfortable, he sat up straight and clambered to his feet. "Um...you want something to drink?" he offered hesitantly. "I don't think there's much more than water, with the house being empty so long--but there might even be some frozen juice or something..."
Ran only shrugged faintly; still inwardly guilty, he trotted out of the room and headed down the hall. He hurried to the table to grab a chair, his small bare feet slapping across the kitchen floor. The noise of the chair's legs scooting over the linoleum seemed loud in the silent, unlit house as he pulled it into position beneath the cupboard that housed the pitchers. Clambering up onto the counter, he fetched down a single pitcher to mix the juice in, then made his way back to the floor.
He was just about to drag a chair over to the next cupboard for some glasses when a gentle hand rested lightly on the top of his head; long habit and his own surprise stopped him where he stood. Startled, he looked up into Ran's eyes, her gaze sympathetic with only the smallest hints of a smile at her lips. "Here, let me," she offered softly.
"Thanks," he mumbled, disgruntled at his handicap. While he stood blushing and grateful, she fetched the glasses down from the cupboard, setting them beside the pitcher before going through the freezer in search of some frozen juice cans.
"Don't look so glum--I can help if you need it," she said as she looked, her voice almost returned to the Ran he knew. She no longer sounded so morose; perhaps it was just that she had something to do now.
But her kindly offer only made him blush more; he leaned against the lower cupboards, looking down. "That's just it; it's embarassing to have to ask people to get things down for me...especially when they know who I really am. And the people who don't know sometimes just won't, even if I ask."
Ran backed out of the freezer, coming up with a can of tropical punch. "I can't imagine anyone being so rude..."
Shinichi laughed softly. "It's not rude, it's just adults. Believe me, I'm used to being overlooked, brushed off, tossed aside--even damn near walked on just because I'm small. Grownups just ignore kids--even you do it. You drag me along to go shopping and get chatting with Sonoko, and I'm down here going, 'Hellooo, Ran-neechan!'"
"I...I didn't mean to!" she protested, blushing slightly, the juice can clutched in her hands.
"I know you didn't." He shrugged, not unkindly. "I don't mind so much any more--like I said, I'm used to it. It's easy to investigate a case if no one's paying attention, and everyone just thinks I'm a kid playing around who doesn't comprehend anything that he sees..."
"I didn't think that," Ran informed him, starting to prepare the juice in the pitcher. "I always thought you were a very intelligent, observant little boy..." She trailed off, pausing to think. "Hm. You are a very intelligent, observant little boy."
"Only I'm not a little boy."
"You're a boy, and you're little. Therefore..."
"Yeah, yeah..." He frowned almost petulantly at the faint trace of smugness in her tone. If falling back on a little of their old teasing would help put her in a better mood, he was all for it. Even if he might not enjoy it...but then again, maybe he would.
Ran actually giggled softly--for the first time since their date ended that afternoon. He looked up at her, a little surprised, as she laughed while stirring the punch in the pitcher. "It's strange," she began after a few moments, once her giggles had passed. "You really sound like you. Especially just now... Even with Conan's voice, you remind me of all those times we walked to school together, talking and joking..."
"I am still me," he said quietly. "No matter what the outside looks like. I'm..." His mouth quirked a little. "I'm just economy-size now. And I'm not hiding from you any more."
"It's much easier to guess who you are when you talk like this," Ran observed absently. "And you did it so often...I wonder why no one ever..."
"Human beings believe what they see," Shinichi responded with a shrug. Then he put on a big smile, brightened his eyes, and spoke with his Conan-voice, little-boy sweet. "An' I do this so no one'll ever guess, 'cause I'm little and cute! Right, Ran-neechan?"
Startled when he spoke as such, Ran had turned to stare at him--but when she caught sight of the teasing glimmer that crept in behind "Conan's" eyes, she shook her stirring spoon at him. "You are absolutely shameless, Shinichi. Don't scare me like that!"
Conan vanished in a trice; Shinichi returned, all repentant concern. "Sorry...I was just joking..."
With a sigh, Ran set the spoon down and poured the tropical punch into the two glasses. "I'm having enough trouble just putting all this together in my head, you know--you and...and Conan-kun..."
"I-I won't do that around you any more," Shinichi promised quickly. "Not unless there's other people. And they don't matter as much--you're the one I had to do the biggest act for, because you know me so well."
She smiled faintly, handing one of the glasses to him. "I just wish you'd told me from the beginning."
"I know--so do I." He sipped his drink, grateful for its coolness, grateful for the sweet liquid that would wash away the sticky dryness in the back of his throat--half from his long bout of talking and half from his feverish transformation. Haibara did say to drink lots... "I think I should've told you from the start...or at least given you a better excuse, like you said. But the more I waited, the harder it got--I realized just how much danger we're in, and I also knew the longer I hid the more mad you'd be when I finally..." He blushed, trailing off when he realized she was looking pointedly at him.
"I think I do have the right to be angry with you, Shinichi," she said firmly. "You've been living in my home."
He gulped. "Uh...this mean you're still mad?"
"Of course I am!" she replied sharply. "I'm very upset at you and I don't think I'll stop being upset at you for quite a while. Besides being lied to, there's your behavior this afternoon."
Oh yeah...
"You just ran off and left me without so much as an explanation--you didn't even say you were sick or anything, you just took off. You didn't even keep your promise."
Wincing, flinching, and cringing all in the same movement, Shinichi all but curled into a guilty, embarassed little ball--an amazing feat, achieving such while still standing upright. "I--I was just about to change back--I got kinda nervous, being in public and all....I swear I really meant to do it--honest I did! I just...kinda...freaked out..."
Ran's gaze softened a little. "I guess I can understand that, but...you made it seem like it was me--"
"No!" His protest, loud and abrupt, almost made her jump. "I mean...I'd give anything to have just...five more minutes."
"But why can't you?" Ran asked suddenly. "You were...yourself...this morning, and last night...why not now? Can't you just take another one of those pills?"
Shinichi blinked at her as if that patent fact had never occurred to him. "Hot damn, you're right!" His face lit up like Christmas lights, and a wide grin appeared. "I could just go see if Haibara has another one handy--then I can keep my promise, and I'll stand very still so you can whack me as hard as you want--"
"Baka..." Ran muttered to herself; she didn't really care if she could hit him--it was the other part she was interested in.
"--and then you'll feel better and we can even have the rest of the day to ourselves! What a great idea, Ran! Just gotta go finish getting dressed--where the hell did I leave my socks...?"
A sudden bundle of energy, Shinichi left his mostly-empty drink on the counter and all but galloped out of the kitchen in search of the remainder of his clothing. Ran watched him go, slightly startled at his abrupt change of mood--and how Conan-like he suddenly seemed.
Shinichi--her Shinichi, the teenage boy she knew--would get so excited about some things now and then...sometimes the strangest things...and his face would light up and he would run about like a child...
How much of an act is "Conan?" she wondered. He can't be just a mask--not all the time, not with how long I've known him. How much of Shinichi really is Conan?
Still contemplating the strange not-child Shinichi had become, she set her cup down and followed him--more sedately, of course--ready to accompany him to Agasa's...and the confrontation that might await them there. She would meet Ai Haibara again...that strange little girl that she now knew wasn't a little girl--"Ai" had given her the creeps sometimes, but the truth...was almost frightening.
Sighing, she turned in at the library once more, remembering the glasses that Shinichi had thrown away--glasses he'd need to become Conan for the world outside. She picked them up from the floor by the desk, checking them for damage; they seemed whole, despite the rough treatment. As she came back out into the hall, Shinichi was already thumping down the stairs, having apparently located his socks and gotten them on his feet.
"Ready to go?" he asked eagerly, catching sight of her as he hit the ground floor.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" she asked, her voice almost slipping into the "Ran-neechan" tones he knew so well.
"Huh?"
"Honestly..." Shaking her head, Ran knealt before him, sliding the glasses on to his face and taking note of the fact that he'd buttoned his jacket crooked in his hurry. She sighed softly, ruefully, undoing the buttons to refasten them straight. "Sometimes it's no wonder you can fool everybody."
Shinichi flushed at her ministrations, fidgeting--and turned even brighter red when she reached up to run her fingers over his hair, attempting to smooth the sweat-tousled mess it had worked itself into.
"What would you do without me?" she asked, standing up to look him over with a disapproving eye--he still looked like a disheveled little boy.
Shinihchi shrugged in embarassment. "I have no idea," he admitted honestly, a blushing grin creeping to his face. "But I think I know what I want to do with you. C'mon, let's go see Haibara."
He held open the front door for her, playing the gentleman until the last possible moment. She stepped out briskly, Shinichi trotting right behind--and quickly becoming Conan again, for whoever might see.
As she went, Ran felt a strange, faint smile appear on her lips; as mad as she was at him, it was still somehow comforting to know that Shinichi had never really left her. In the guise of Conan, her little shadow, he had followed her, protected her, and comforted her in every way he could. Despite her anger, she was grateful--glad to know she meant so much to him. She could understand his feelings--she could understand how hard he tried and how good his intentions were. Even though he'd made mistakes, even though he'd kept such an important thing from her, he was still her Shinichi--he was still the one she cared about the most, and even though she was still angry with him, she knew in her heart she'd already forgiven him. Because she knew how much he cared.
But she was still going to make him sweat for a while--forgiving or not, she was still saddened and angered by his deception. And shortly, once Shinichi was able to return to his true size again, she was going to make him keep his promise...and then she was going to make sure he understood that no matter what happened, he could always confide in her and had no reason to hide anything from her--because she would always care about him, too. Even if she did have to whack him to get her point across.
Even if she had to enforce his promise twice to make sure he got it.
To be continued...
AN: Eep, nobody shoot me please! I'm working on the next chapter as fast as I can! It'll be up soon, I'm already well under way. See ya then!